At 33, Sense was a busy SLP, a single mother of two, and had just closed on her new house. The last thing she expected to find during a routine shower was a lump. This is her powerful young adult breast cancer journey, a story that confronts the shocking reality of a diagnosis when you least expect it. In this episode, Sense shares the unfiltered truth of finding a golf-ball-sized tumor, her immediate self-diagnosis due to her known BRCA1 gene mutation, and the whirlwind of fear, appointments, and difficult decisions that followed. How do you navigate a life-altering illness while juggling a career and young children, especially as a single person?
Sense walks us through every step of her aggressive treatment for Invasive Ductal Carcinoma, from the initial shock and the month-long wait for a diagnostic mammogram to the grueling realities of her BRCA1 breast cancer treatment. She details her experience with six months of weekly Carboplatin and Taxol chemotherapy, followed by the "terrible" AC chemo, also known as the "red devil." Sense talks candidly about losing her hair, the relief of her tumor disappearing during chemo, and the subsequent double mastectomy with nipple-sparing surgery. She also shares the difficult side effects of 30 rounds of radiation, which left her skin feeling "like a crocodile," and the challenges of recovering from multiple surgeries, including the placement of expanders and implants. Throughout her young adult breast cancer journey, her humor and resilience shine through, but she doesn't shy away from the emotional toll, especially the experience of navigating cancer as a single person. A crucial element of her survival was her incredible cancer support system; from the "soulmate" friend who dropped everything to be her note-taker at appointments to coworkers who created care packages and a cousin who drove her to every infusion. Her story highlights the immense difficulty of asking for help and the unexpected places support can be found. Perhaps most poignantly, Sense discusses the profound challenge of life after active cancer treatment, a phase she says "nobody prepares you for." She opens up about the fear of recurrence when routine scans stop and the psychological weight of transitioning from a structured treatment plan to the uncertainty of survivorship.
Introduction
Eunice: Hi, I'm Eunice. Welcome to Before Our Visit Ends, a space where we take a moment to get to know the whole person beyond their cancer diagnosis. Along the way, we'll gain meaningful insights on living a life that is not defined by cancer. These stories are sometimes heavy, sometimes unexpectedly light, but always honest.
During this podcast, my guests and I will be sharing personal experiences and discussing medical information. That said, the information we share is based on our own lived experiences, perspectives, and personal understanding. This podcast is not intended to replace medical advice. Please consult your own healthcare provider or licensed practitioner with any questions or concerns about your diagnosis or care. Before our visit ends is not responsible for any outcomes related to information shared in this podcast. Each episode is shared with the hope that someone listening might feel seen, better understood, or more informed. And with that, let's begin today's episode.
Hi, Sense. Thank you so much for joining us today on Before Our Visit Ends. I'm really excited to have you on the podcast. How are you?
Sense: I'm well. I'm excited to be here. Don't really know how it's going to go, but I'm excited.
Eunice: Yeah, I feel like I don't really either. We kind of figure it out together. And that's the best part. Really, the goal is to share your experience for us to learn from how you've navigated your cancer diagnosis. And what you have that’s really valuable is the fact that there are so many young people who are going through cancer now more than before. And I do think that demographic has questions and I don't have the answers. You may not have the answers, but I think you definitely have something valuable to talk about.
But before we start, I just want to get to know you before we talk about anything medical—your family, your work, your life in general. What are you up to these days?
Sense: I'm coming up with a plan to take over the world. Yes. But I'm not really kidding. Let's see. My family, I have two kids. They are 10, going on 20, and 14. They keep me on my toes, especially that little girl. She's a Sephora girly. She likes going to Sephora every chance she gets. For some reason, she thinks that she needs to have all these different skincare regimens, and she's making her father broke because I'm not subscribing to it.
Eunice: And she got into your stuff?
Sense: She actually does. She'll go get my makeup bag and think that I don't know that she's wearing mascara. And it's like, "Well, how did you know?" It's like, girl, I have eyes. I can see it right there. So, yes, it's legit like having a little broke best friend.
And her brother is like daddy brother. He's on top of her as far as he's very protective. And he acts like my husband, too. It's kind of like, "Where are you going? Who are you going with? What time are you coming back? Are you wearing that?" It's really interesting. I'm kind of interested. It's a fun dynamic.
I do a lot of things. Too many things, actually. So full-time, I'm a school-based SLP. Part-time, I run a private practice. A part of that part-time, I do PRN at a nursing home. I'm also a committee chairperson for, well, right now I just have one student. And she's getting ready to defend her capstone for the SLPD program at Rocky Mountain University of Health Professions.
Let's see, what else? What do I do for fun? Nothing. I like to be inside my house and watch TV and do nothing. And then there are times where my brain decides that we're going to look up stuff or try to figure out how to add something else to my overflowing plate. And then my brain runs a million miles a minute and just doesn't shut off. So I'm plagued with that.
Sense: And maybe that's why on the weekends, I don't do anything. I won't do anything on a Saturday. And then when it's six o'clock, it's like, "Oh, crap, I need to do the laundry and all of these other things because then I have to go to church on Sunday." And then after church, it's like, "Oh, well, tomorrow's Monday." So I don't think that's the best life. But I need to work a little bit harder on not doing a lot of things.
Eunice: All of that has influenced who you are now as a person, the success that you've had? And really, that's just going to segue into us talking about your diagnosis and how you've navigated that. But I'm really curious about the background and really childhood and how you grew up.
Sense: The hard-working thing, I think I got that from my parents. They work really hard. Going up, my dad worked and then he still came home, had the farm, all of that. My mom never worked for anyone; she was self-employed her entire life. She first worked as a vendor on the beach. So when you go on vacation, you have those people for t-shirts and souvenirs and stuff like that. She used to do that and braid hair because they like getting their hair braided with beads and stuff like that. So Mom did that along with the farm. So on the farm, we have cows and sheep. They plant vegetables and stuff like that and sell it at the local market. And they were just always working.
The Discovery: Finding a Lump and Facing a BRCA1 Diagnosis
Eunice: So how, with the way that you are, in terms of being successful, go-getter, busy and everything, how did you find out that you had cancer? And how did that affect you? Did you end up needing to slow down? And did you feel like that slowed you down a lot?
Sense: It did. My diagnosis came in one of the busiest times for me. So it was 2022. I was piloting my communication program back home. I was here in Delaware, because I'm currently in Delaware, working summer school so that I could make extra cash because I was closing on my house in August. So busy, busy time.
So it was July, and it was late and I was working at the school in the daytime, at the nursing home, just going. And it was late one night. I want to say it was after 11, and I was taking a shower. I was like, "Oh, they say you're supposed to do a breast exam. Let me feel it."
Eunice: And that's not something that you had been doing routinely? One day you were just in the shower?
Sense: I was just in the shower, and it was like, "Yeah, you should do this." And I started feeling and I was like, "Huh, that's odd. That's not supposed to be there." Okay, let's go to the other side. And I wasn't so preppy when I got to the other side, and it wasn't there. I was like, "Oh, okay." Then I went back to make sure that I felt what I felt. It was like the size of a golf ball.
Eunice: Oh, that's big.
Sense: Yes. And then after I felt it again, then panic. I'm very dramatic. So I was like, "Oh my God, I'm going to die."
Eunice: Hadn't seen any doctor yet. Just touched it.
Sense: Oh, just touched it. I knew what it was because when I had my daughter, I did genetic testing and I had the BRCA1 gene. And then my family, my father's side is plagued with cancer. So I knew what it was. I didn't need anybody to tell me.
Eunice: Had you been getting monitored closely because of your BRCA gene?
Sense: I was supposed to. So here's what happened. After I had Skylar in 2015, you're supposed to go every six months to get either a mammogram or alternate with an ultrasound or whatever. At one point, I had gotten a biopsy done, I think twice. And then I just felt like I was a lab rat and I didn't like feeling like a lab rat because I didn't like being poked and prodded and all the things.
Eunice: And all those biopsies had been negative.
Sense: Yes, they were. I was just like, "I'm just going to take a break." Then COVID came and I was looking at something. I was like, "Oh, I need to start going back to this." Forgot. And by the time I looked, it had been about five years since I had gone. And I was like, "Oh, I'll get to it. I'll get back to it." Never got back to it.
So when I felt that and I was like, "I'm going to die," I messaged my doctor right away. Of course, he's not going to see it. But I couldn't wait for them to call me, so I called them first thing in the morning. And they're like, "It's okay, Miss Peters, we're going to get you in as soon as possible." I said, "You just let me know. I'm not in state, but if you could get me in day after tomorrow, I'll be there." So I think it was July 11th, either the 10th or the 11th. And I drove back to North Carolina. I went. He was pretty good. He's like, "African-American women, they tend to have dense breast tissue. It's probably just a cyst. It's nothing." I said, "You're kind. I know you're doing your job, but it's not that. But we'll just roll with it."
Eunice: He knew your history.
Sense: He knew all of it. But then the caveat was it was COVID, post-COVID, so a lack of resources, lack of workers, all of that. Mind you, my appointment to see the doctor was in July. I didn't get scheduled for a diagnostic mammogram until August 26th.
Eunice: So you are here over a month.
Sense: I didn't even pick a location that was close to me. I think I had to drive an hour away. I just told them to schedule me for the first available appointment. If I had decided to wait for the location that was closest to me, I wouldn't have been seen until October. So that summer, I went to Antigua, I did my program, I decided to have the time of my life because I'm like, yeah, when I go back, I'm going to have cancer. I already have it, but whatever. I just knew it. I don't know. I just felt it in my bones.
Came back. I closed on my house, August 22nd. My birthday was August 24th. I turned 33. August 26th, I had the diagnostic mammogram. After the mammogram, because you know how they squish everything, then it grew and then it started to hurt. So it was never hurting. It was big to the point where you could see it, and I used to call it the alien. If I laid flat on my back, you would see it. Actually, it was over here. After the mammogram, I guess they irritated it.
And then when I went back, I think it was September 2nd for the ultrasound. And I only realized the body language and everything of that doctor because a doctor came in after the tech, but it wasn't registering that day. It only registered after the fact because he kept rubbing my arm and he's like, "We're just going to insert the clip and we're going to run it, send it off to the lab for some test." But it was the rubbing of the arm. In my head, I'm like, why is he touching me?
Eunice: It's like comforting you.
Sense: It didn't make sense. No. My doctor called because my primary care doctor, he was really on top of things. I told him I would prefer he continued to monitor my chart, so when things come in that he calls me. So September 6th, he calls. He was like, "Miss Peters, there's a little bit of cancer there." And that's how he said it.
Eunice: A little bit of cancer with a little bit of cancer there.
Sense: And I said, "Okay." And he's like, "Okay, what do you want me to do? Do you want me to just get the ball rolling? I'm going to treat you as if you were my family member. Here is who I'd recommend." And that was kind of the course of my treatment. He connected me with my nurse navigator. I love Nurse Vicky. And then when I met her, she connected me with the facilities that she thought were best, and they weren't necessarily the ones close to me. When I told her which one was close to me, she was like, "Eh, no, go here." And I was like, "Wherever you send me, that's where I'll go."
Let's see, diagnosed September 6th. Then I felt like everything just started moving really fast because it was just a bunch of appointments, having to get MRIs, all of this stuff. And by this time, they had irritated the thing because I would get these, it felt like little needle pricks, all the time. Sometimes more than others, and it was sharper. But 20 days later, I started chemo.
The Treatment Gauntlet: Navigating Chemo, Mastectomy, and Radiation
And then I started chemo September 26, 2022. And I had six months of carboplatin and Taxol. And it was every week. So I had chemo every Monday. And that was a breeze compared to—we're not supposed to call it the red devil. In the breast cancer group on Facebook, they call it the blood of Jesus because it's killing the bad things and bringing you back to life. It's AC, Adriamycin. Now that was terrible. I only had four. It was every other week, but it was crippling. I had it Monday. I would not feel like I had the strength or anything until Thursday. Nauseous. It was terrible. By the time you felt better that next week, it was time for you to go get another. So I was happy I only had four.
I lost my hair with Taxol. After, I want to say, after three or four infusions, my lump was gone completely. With the Taxol and the carboplatin, whatever that concoction. So I think it was after the third or the fourth, you couldn't feel anything. There was nothing there. And then I finished chemo February 27th, 2023. And then I had to wait a month before I could have the double mastectomy. So I had that, I want to say March 29th.
Eunice: I forgot to ask, what was the stage and what was the hormone receptor status? Do you remember?
Sense: I can tell you this. It was the very first scan or whatever they had, I believe it was a stage one or two. But by the time I had that last MRI before treatment, it was a stage three. I had invasive ductal carcinoma. So it was a really bad one that grows really fast, the one that I had. And then I got lost with the grades and the staging because it changed from the initial scan to the scan right before treatment. And I was just like, whatever. It's not for me to know. It's for them to know so that they could plan my treatment.
Eunice: In March, you had the double mastectomy.
Sense: I had the double mastectomy. They sent off the tissue to pathology. April 2nd, it came back everything was clear. But because my cancer was on the left side, and because of where it was—there wasn't lymph node involvement—but because of where it was, because of the type, because of my genetics, they still recommended radiation. So I had to have radiation.
I started radiation June 6th, and I had 30 rounds. It was initially supposed to be 33, but I had 30. And when I had the double mastectomy, I had it with expanders. They placed the expanders and they half-filled them, and it just allowed my skin to adjust to them. And then I'll have to go back, and I think I went back twice to get them filled. And then at one point, I had to go get some reduced because they didn't want them to be filled too much when I had to do radiation. So I had them reduced to go through the radiation process.
And then after that and some healing, because my skin looked like a crocodile—it was black, burnt, all the things—then after that, they refilled them. And then I had, I believe it was 12 rounds of Keytruda, so I had immunotherapy. And then I finished immunotherapy 11-24-2023. Then 12-22, I had the exchange surgery where I exchanged the expanders for implants.
And I could say I absolutely hated the drains. The drains were the worst part about both surgeries. I hated them, hated having to suction them. On the last surgery that I had, I kept telling them one of the drains, I don't know what it was connected to, but every time I cleared it, a pain would shoot down my arm. And even after they removed the drains and all of that, sometimes I would still have the pain. So currently, my left arm from my shoulder to my elbow is problematic, can't do too much with it, but sometimes I forget that I can't do too much with it, and then I do.
Eunice: And it's because of the drains, they say? Or is it just all those histories?
Sense: On the left side, radiation, it caused a period of time where there was some narrowing of the esophagus, which made it really, really, really difficult to swallow. Even to swallow saliva, swallowing water, it was painful. Thankfully, I didn't need to go get it surgically expanded again. It just kind of went away after maybe a few weeks.
Eunice: When you stopped radiation?
Sense: Yeah. So radiation is a gift that keeps on giving because some of the side effects don't appear until you've already completed. And it's literally your skin burning from the inside out. It was terrible. I forgot what it's called, but because it was the left side that they were treating and your heart is there, they had this silicone type thing that they placed over. And when I was getting the radiation, I had to do the breath holds. I think the thing that they put over my skin, it caused me to burn sooner. So that's why I kind of look like an alligator.
They said I wouldn't have feelings. For a while, I had no feeling midline and at the top where your cleavage is. Me doing this now, I can feel it. And if somebody else were to touch it, I could feel the sensation. But midline and under, I don't have any sensation at all. But I'm praying that it will come back. I believe that it could.
The Power of a Support System: “I Did Cry a Lot”
Eunice: We'll pray that it comes back. I'm curious about, when you were going through this, the process of treatment lasted for a long time. Who was helping take care of your kids? On a day-to-day basis, what kept you going? And how was that emotionally for you?
Sense: So they didn't really see me falter, I guess. But behind closed doors, I would cry. I tried not to cry in front of my kids because then that would make them feel bad. The day I got my diagnosis, I called my soulmate. I call her my soulmate because we've been friends since high school back home to now, and we just understand each other on a level that nobody else does. So that's why I call her that. She dropped everything, drove from Florida to North Carolina. She went with me to all of the initial appointments.
And I needed that because I tend to shut down when I don't want to hear what you have to say. You're doing too much. I will yes you to death, and I will respond appropriately, but I'm not hearing you. And she knows those things. So she knew when I checked out. And I had checked out when they told me I was going to lose my hair. Which, by the way, grew back very beautifully. With a vengeance, because it's the longest it's ever been. I was worried about that. I wanted to keep it. But she was able to listen and ask all the questions, even questions that I didn't think to ask. So that's something that I would recommend for anyone who goes through the process, have someone there who can listen for you and take notes and then be able to go over that stuff with you. Because it's so much information that's coming to you all at once because they do want to start treatment right away. But they're not necessarily thinking about the fact that you're not processing. And for me, I'm a delayed processor. So I'm only going to process information after the conversation already happened. So she was really good to have.
Eunice: Did you feel prepared to know the questions to ask, or was she really the one asking? I know you said you shut down, but how did you even know what to ask? They say you're going to lose your hair. Is it just during the teaching conversations is when it's like, okay, and then what else is going to happen? Did you feel prepared for treatment?
Sense: Education-wise, I don't think so. I think for me, it was a matter of, "Okay, you have a plan. You have a plan that you're going to fix this, get rid of it, whatever. All right." As long as I knew that there was a plan, I just needed to show up. And that's kind of how I dealt with it. Other people may not deal with it like that because they may want to know all the things. I think I only asked questions that I felt were important for me to navigate the process.
I asked questions, of course, about knowing how I was going to feel while going through all that. Was I going to be able to work because I just got this house? Literally, asking those kinds of questions. But like I said, being a delayed processor, after the fact, after I would leave the appointment, I would sit and replay the conversation in my head. If I had a question, my nurse navigator is really amazing. We're still connected today where I could text her a question or my oncologist. I could just type all the questions into my chart and they were really good about answering the questions.
And I also let them know, "I don't process information as you're giving it to me, so I'm going to have questions later on." And they were really good about that, answered my questions in a timely manner. Sometimes my questions were so many that they would just call, which I appreciated. But I'm not the professional when it comes to that. I trusted them to know exactly what it was they were going to do. I didn't feel like I could try some holistic things to probably remediate the situation. I didn't because I knew the type of cancer that I had. And I did research and then I found various Facebook groups. And I will say this, you can get lost in those groups. For me, I took what I needed and left what I didn't. There was a lot of negativity and I didn't need that, because the words of my nurse navigator were what actually helped me the most.
She said, "If you start feeling sorry for yourself and you start with that 'woe is me, I'm sick,' then your body's going to shut down and it's not going to heal the way that it needs to heal. You have to tell yourself you're going to be better." And that's kind of what I did. And it made sense. Because when you're stressed, your body shuts down, and you can respond different ways. So that was it for me, which I think was also why I dealt with it with humor. And I always tried to find the positive in something because that was what I held on to to get to the next day. So that was really helpful. And then in the back of my head, it's like, I don't want my body to shut down. I don't want it to reject the treatment. I want it to take it, kill it, all the things, let's move past this.
So I think that really helped me. And then I had more supporters than I knew because I was worried. I moved just about an hour from where I lived in Charlotte, where I had friends who were close by. I was worried about that. But then I didn't need to worry because people popped up. At my job, I didn't realize that I worked with two ladies.
There were a lot of prayer warriors. And my co-workers at that school—I'm no longer there, but at that school—when I tell you they showed up and showed out, they did. They really, really did. And at the time, Skylar was going to that school because I worked there. They made me care packages, baskets, and they would make one for her. They just rose above and beyond. And my cousin, who we're really close—she's like my sister—she would drive from Delaware every Sunday to come to North Carolina, take me to my infusions, and then leave that Monday afternoon when I was all good. When she couldn't go, her sister would come or somebody would fill in.
So my soulmate, she created a spreadsheet. It's like, "Okay, here's who's going to do which days, whatever, whatever." And then she did this bill tracker. And then between her and my best friend, it was like, "Okay, let's see all the bills that are coming in and how we're going to manage them and all this other stuff." And I was just like, "Okay." I was really blessed and I didn't have to think about a lot of things. And then things that I was thinking about, they would tell me not to think about it.
I have a difficult time asking for help. I created a GoFundMe. I had created it because they told me to create it. Didn't publish it because why am I begging people for money? And they were just like, "Just do it." I was just like, "Okay." And I did it and I got support. And I was like, "Okay." And I wanted it to pay the medical bills, but then something came up with the kids or something else in the house. And I'm like, "Well, I can't touch that money because that money is supposed to pay for this because that's what I told the people I was going to do with it." And my best friend would say, "Well, they gave it to you because you're going through this situation and because you're going through this situation is why these other things are happening. So it's all right." It took a whole lot of hand-holding and a lot of talking to for me to do certain things.
But I made it through it. And I honestly wouldn't have if I didn't have all the people. I developed a stronger faith because, shoot, I needed it. I did cry a lot. I think I cried a lot because I was a single person going through it. And I was just like, why did I have to be single? Why can't I have someone here who can help me navigate the situation? I'm taking my friends from their lives. And there's that guilt piece. And then sometimes I would hear God's voice and it's like, "Well, you have exactly what you need." And then I would shake it off. But sometimes it would still be there. But I navigated through it with a lot of help. I don't think I would have been able to do it without the support system that I had. And then when we got to the end, nobody prepares you for the end.
Life After Active Treatment: Why “Nobody Prepares You for the End”
Eunice: Yeah, tell me about that. I was going to ask, how are things now? And what does the end mean?
Sense: So the end of active treatment. Other people look at it like, "Oh, you're healed now. You're no longer sick." Yeah, no. In your head, you're thinking a lot of things. Because for me, it's no more mammograms. There's no other test ever to know if something's going to happen.
Eunice: You don't get checked more, yearly?
Sense: Nope. It's kind of, if you feel something, say something. So I had felt, and I think it was just scarred tissue, but that's kind of how you have to go. "Oh, I feel this. All right, we're just going to order a scan to make sure everything is fine." And that's kind of how it goes.
Eunice: Now, I'm a little surprised. I thought you would get more frequent testing, especially with your history.
Sense: No, I think for women who have had lumpectomies, they still have breast tissue, so they can still have mammograms and they can still have ultrasounds routinely. But for us, we don't have any breast tissue, so there's nothing routinely for them to check. And they encourage you to keep up with your PCP because then they can run blood work.
As far as oncology, though, let me say this. Let me go backwards. So being out of active treatment with my oncologist, I met with him every three months. And then it moved out to six months. And then that will be every year. I think they specifically do the blood draws that look for certain cells or whatever. But outside of that, there will be no mammograms, no nothing.
But yes, when there's no active treatment, you're left with, "Well, now what?"
And I didn't know how to explain it to anybody until my nurse navigator invited me to a groundbreaking ceremony for a cancer center that they had in Charlotte. And I was like, "Well, why would she invite me?" And then I went and we were sitting, I was sitting with another set of ladies who were also patients of my breast surgeon, Dr. Peter Turk. And I kid you not, one lady just said, "How are you?" And I started crying. I couldn't find the words. And she was like, "I get it." It was like, "Oh, God." It was a sigh of relief because I didn't know how to explain it to anybody else. But she understood it. It was like, yes, it's scary now because there is no plan. You're not going every week for something. You're not going every couple of weeks.
Eunice: You're out in the world, just like before.
Sense: Right, like before. But your life is not like before. You have things in your head now because you've been through some things. Some people, they're now fearless, and I think if I didn't have kids, I would be. But I feel like I have to be anchored to something because I have these little people. But it was scary because you get a cold, you don't know whether or not it's just a cold. Anything that happens to you, it's not just, "Oh, it's just this."
And the other thing that for me, I have to be careful of, I didn't notice, but extreme exhaustion was also a sign, but I did not know that. I know when I can't do too much because I start to feel it. Then it's like, "All right, we just got to let it go. Whatever is not done is not done. It is what it is. There's nothing I can do about it." And just kind of let that be.
Future Preventative Care and the BRCA1 Gene
And the other part for me, because I have the BRCA1 gene, they want to take my lady parts.
Eunice: I was going to ask you, that was going to be my next question is, what other measures are you taking because of your BRCA1?
Sense: Well, honestly... I don't want to get my lady parts taken. They keep trying to take it. And I was just like, "Who wants to have a dry vagina?" I know that's probably not where I'm supposed to take this, but that's automatically where I go. I said, "Listen."
Eunice: Could they keep the ovaries?
Sense: No, for me, everything has got to go.
Eunice: Everything?
Sense: Yeah. So maybe for someone else, they may be able to keep the ovaries. But for me, I got to get everything removed. So I told them, "Let's have this conversation around closer to 40." Because I do want to get married again.
And for me, the other reason why I was able to start treatment quickly was because there was no egg harvesting. They asked me if I wanted to. I said no, I already have a boy and a girl. There's nothing left to get. So I was able to start treatment right away. For others, if they do want to harvest their eggs, they'll have to delay treatment to have that done. And I would feel really bad for the 22-year-olds and stuff. It's like, "Well, baby, you ain't start life yet. You haven't had life problems to have this kind of stuff going on." And then I felt like after I got diagnosed, it was like, "You have cancer, you have cancer, this person has cancer." I'm like, "Wait, what?"
Eunice: Like everyone around you?
Sense: Everyone around me. And I know you mentioned your dad too. My dad has a stage four colorectal cancer that has metastasized to his lungs and liver. And I have a co-worker that also got diagnosed with the same type of cancer. I'm like, "Wait a minute. What?"
Eunice: Honestly, some of the reasons for the podcast, it's like there are so many people with cancer. It's the second most common cause of death, but there are so many people that are not prepared for it.
Sense: Caribbean people don't either because my parents got on me. I would post things. They're like, "Oh, you post all your business on the internet." "Uh, yeah, because people are going to help." And I didn't mean help financially, but it's like, me posting, I got DMs and it's like, "My mom is going through this," or "I have this," or "My child had this." And it's just like, see, that's why I post.
Eunice: It's not something to be ashamed of. People will say they have diabetes, they will say they have high blood pressure, but somehow talking about cancer is not something that you're supposed to talk about. And so when it happens, there's so much unpreparedness and people don't know the questions to ask. And unfortunately, it's a life-changing, life-altering thing, and for some people, that leads to death and they don't know the questions to ask when that's happening.
Sense: And simply just not talking about it, you don't really know who's around you and the information and the resources that come with that person. So when we're thinking about what questions to ask, you may not know what questions to ask. And just by talking to somebody else about it, they may ask you a question and you're like, "Well, hmm, that's a good question that I should ask." And that's kind of how anybody should navigate the situation. Don't try to deal with this stuff on your own because it's a lot and it'll consume you. But for me, there's a lot of questions that I didn't come up with on my own. Somebody else did. I didn't manage my medical stuff. Somebody else did. And you may not have that, everybody may not have that, but they can have a support team if they just open their mouths. That's honestly what I've learned because it goes a long way.
Final Advice for Navigating a Cancer Journey
Eunice: Yeah, you said it perfectly because I was going to ask you if you have any advice, medical, emotional, practical, that you want people to hear. I feel like that was going to be my next question because we're coming up on time. But I feel like you already said it. I don't know if there's anything else you want to add to this, but I think that's really helpful for people to know.
Sense: No, just take everything one day at a time. Really do look forward to something positive. Just try to find something positive in each and every situation. And it's hard, but don't think about what it is that you're going through right now. Definitely don't ask, "Why me?" And it's a human thing to do, but don't be sad and stay there. I had the rule where, okay, I could feel bad for myself for a day or two, but three days, no. Because the longer you feel bad for yourself, the longer you live in your car, the harder it is to come out. So it's okay one day, two days, but definitely it's like, "All right, shake it off. Ain't nothing to do about it." Or is there something you could do about it?
Eunice: What other things do you do for fun now that you did for fun then? Things that you had already been doing. What do you do to be yourself, bring yourself joy?
Sense: Honestly, I just like helping people. And I tend to say yes a lot when I should say no. I'm working on some boundaries. But I do like helping others, and especially after seeing how people showed up for me, I feel like I could show up for somebody else. And for other people, just go for whatever it is that you want to go for. I think I'm actually going to do that next year. I have to work towards things to make sure that can happen, but I think I'm finally going to let some things go and just see what happens and not try to control all the variables. It's a control thing.
Eunice: It's okay. We all have our personalities, which is what makes us who we are and successful people. But thank you so much, Sense. I truly appreciate having you on the podcast. And yeah, might have you another time, but this was really a great conversation.
Sense: Thank you. Yes, you can have me back as a caregiver. I have some stories to tell.
Eunice: Although this visit has ended, I hope this story stays with you and you can share it with someone who might need it. Until next time, take care.
